Mindsight

I just finished reading "Parenting From The Inside Out" by Siegel and Hertzel. In it, the authors speak of "mindsight," or the ability to hear what's being said underneath the words being spoken. They say we can create a resonance between the parent's and child's brain that gives the child a sense of "we" when we use our mindsight, when we hear underneath the words to the deeper feelings and thoughts.

Siegel and Hertzel's ideas remind me of a time I picked up our youngest from school. She was in the sixth grade. I can see her seated on the passenger's side of our turquoise Lumina as she shut the door, glanced at me nervously and said, "What's wrong, mom?"

In that moment I made a choice to tell the truth. I could have denied it, thinking that would've been easier for her, but whatever was "wrong" with me that day, I acknowledged. Without realizing it, I gave her opportunity to trust her "mindsight". There was a resonance between us that in that moment that came out of truth telling.

When I teach my children to deny their feelings and thoughts, either directly through my words or indirectly through my behavior, I deny the development of a profound interpersonal skill, an Emotional Intelligence and a connectedness that supercedes logic.