Women In Art, Women In Life

Claud and I are teaching a Couple's Course (email me for information about our upcoming, online Couple's Course) and in it, exploring three basic Escapes out of intimate relationship--

Stonewalling (any kind of avoiding conflict, withdrawal into addictions or the children, work, computer)

Caretaking (pleasing and giving to get something back--or even 'pleasing' with a bitter attitude)

Criticizing (blaming, attacking, accusing)

In each case there's a message of I will control you so that I'm o.k.--

• I will not give in to you, or I won't be o.k.
• I will fix you so that I can be o.k.
• I will create fear in you so that you will change, and I'll be o.k.

When I move toward Claud--rather than away from him, when I am vulnerable about myself, and when I allow him to influence me, then I can learn rather than take early-learned Escape Routes away from him.

The gender differences in all this are particularly interesting---For instance, men are more likely to stonewall and women more likely to criticize and caretake, men typically more sensitive to relational conflict (heart rate rising and sweat--remember men were the ones hunting for meat, alert and women were around the fire, nurturing and learning how to deal with interpersonal stuff).

And one make or break aspect of relationship is this: Husbands who allow themselves to be influenced by their wives are much more likely to have success in those intimate relationships. (Of course, this doesn't address same sex relationships, but some of my gay friends have told me that they take on gender specific roles, one playing the typical 'male' role and the other 'female'.) It just doesn't work, no matter religious beliefs, in today's world, in this country to relate hierarchically.

Enjoy this video--For me, it evokes a love for all women, and inspires me to continue in the evolution of women by owning my voice--at home and in the world. Like men, we can't be put in a box, and I can own my 'Jan-ness' and not fall into old habits from childhood or unconscious gender roles.

Women in Art

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