The last couple of weeks have been challenging for me, especially in regards to my parenting. I haven't liked that--having in me that life should be easier, go the way I want it to go.
But in the midst of life-as-it-is, I've had a chance to dismantle parts of my care taking behavior and see how (though it appears noble to me) how disempowering it is. When I'm not awake, I don't take care of myself or stand up for myself. I try to fix my kids--getting embroiled in their issues.
When I notice my frustration, it seems like it's because of the proverbial "them". It's their fault. But the frustration is toward myself for being too afraid of losing them to have my boundaries. I want to claim myself as the omniscient, omnipresent and revered mama.
In the 12-Step program www.sobercircle.com they call me a co-dependent--no argument from me.
I am not in charge of their dear lives. My own humanity and my own inability to continually protect these dear children is reality. They don't belong to me anyway.
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