I'm teaching a couples' course this summer and have been pursuing two of my favorite related books, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman and Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendricks www.amazon.com
At first blush, this may seem unrelated to parenting, but the milieu in which children live and breath is established not only by the internal state of parents but also by the way in which parents relate to each other.
I'm particularly struck by Gottman's "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling", and how these problematic behaviours impact couples (and as a result--children).
Gottman www.gottmaninstitute.com claims that in the first minutes of a couple's conversation, he can predict how their relationship with turn out, and interestingly, I think Shonnie Lavender, couple's coach, claims the antidote for these very problems.
Check it out on her recent blog "One Skill is essential to a lasting, happy marriage." www.marriagevowworkbook.com, and let me know what you think.
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1 comment:
Thanks for the link Jan. I agree that the family atmosphere affects children tremendously. As a child of divorce, I actually think I benefitted from seeing how different couples "did marriage" and that helped me have a more well-rounded perspective from which I could build relationships.
Keep up the good work! Peace.
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